Soda in Vending Machines*


Courtesy of Fiona

Fiona Brown and Mariangela Montano

Students here aren’t very fond of the fizzy Dasani water; over-priced starting at $1.25. After months of consideration from the administrators and staff here at Rio, they decided that soda can be served at the vending machines with a sold price of $2.50. Administrators state that though it might be filled with calories and sugar, it can improve swallowing, reduces constipation, it hydrates, and it can help relieve a stomach ache. Adding on, the caffeine is able to wake the kids up for their next class!
There are many benefits of soda. Some include, improving swallowing, reducing constipation, it hydrates, and can relieve a stomach ache. Soda can improve swallowing because it increases sensory stimulation meaning it activates all your senses. It can also reduce constipation because it improves the symptoms and eases it. It hydrates because you’re putting a liquid into your body and if you’re dehydrated you can feel dizzy and tired. Lastly, carbonated beverages can relieve a stomach ache and even help with nausea or indigestion.It can help organisms and fluids around the body.
7th grade English teacher, Mr. Maradkel provides his opinion on the new rule, “Personally, I love the new idea of students drinking soda before class. I can’t wait for students to be drinking one or maybe even two cans of Mountain Dew before my English class! No more sleeping in class. No more low energy. No more long, boring motivational speeches needed. Mountain Dew will do the trick. One can of Mountain Dew can do more to keep students engaged than I can in 92 minutes. I’m talking about 55 mg of pure caffeine in one can! Not to mention the carbs! Soda is the answer to all our problems here at Rio Norte. If it was up to me, I’d have a vending machine stocked with soda in every single classroom, especially the math classrooms.”
To finalize, soda here at Rio Norte will have a beneficial effect because it improves swallowing, prevents constipation and will help kids stay awake for their classes. There is nothing more effective than 355 ml of straight caffeine/sugar to start your day. *DISCLAIMER THIS IS AN APRIL FOOLS PRANK*